


Let Go

by BxBori9181



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grieving Danny, Guilt, M/M, Protective Chin Ho Kelly, Truth, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BxBori9181/pseuds/BxBori9181
Summary: Danny hasn't been dealing with the after effects of Colombia and Matty's death. Chin offers advice.





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own H50. And this was not beta'd so all errors are my own.

Danny was having another one of those days. The kind where all he can think about is Matty and how everything went wrong. He sat in his office, his head in his hands, wishing his brain would just stop for a while. Chin walked by and after a moment of hesitation knocked on the blonde’s door. Danny looked up. “I know I don’t say it often but I’m here if you ever need to talk” he said quietly. Danny smiled. Chin was always the first one to pick up on everyone’s moods. “I’m ok Chin. Just thinking.” “I thought I smelled smoke”, Chin joked. He sobered up quickly. “If you don’t feel like talking about it, you should write about it. Sometimes its easier to write.” Danny looked at chin curiously. He hadn’t thought about that.  “Huh. I wonder how that would work” he wondered out loud. Chin smiled and said “it can be like a journal entry, a song, a poem or a letter.” That caught Danny’s attention. A letter huh. He could write a letter to Matty and get everything out. Danny smiled at Chin and said “You, my friend, are a genius”. Chin nodded at Danny and smiled as he walked away. He had a good idea what the blonde was worrying about. He just hoped he had helped him find a way to deal.

Danny stood up and closed his door. He closed the blinds and sat down at his desk. He pulled out a legal pad and a pen. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened them and picked up his pen.

**_Dear Matty,_ **

**_God I’ve missed you. We all have. Mom and Dad are trying to put up a brave front but no parent wants to ever bury their kid. It hurts them every day. Grace is dealing with it better than I had expected and for that I’m grateful. Me on the other hand, not good. Brother mine, I have not been well at all._ **

**_Matty I’m so hurt and angry. I’m hurt because you couldn’t come to me. You were my little brother. There was nothing you could have done that would make me turn my back on you! I hate that you didn’t feel safe enough with me to tell me you were in trouble and that you needed help until it was damn near too late. I’m hurt because I lost you and I was supposed to take care of you. You were my little brother Matty. It was my job to protect you and I failed._ **

**_I’m mad too Matty. I’m so damn mad I can’t see sometimes. How could you do this to your family? How could you go the route you did? Did you not think about what could happen? How it would damn near kill Mom that we didn’t even have a BODY to bury? What the hell told you that it was ok to deal with a man like Marco Reyes? What the hell Matty! You put ALL of us at risk! Not just mom dad and me but GRACE too. That man was in my HOUSE! Where my daughter sleeps! You brought evil into all of our lives and then you died before we could be mad at you about it. Its not fair! You left us all with guilt and questions that will NEVER get answered. I turned into someone I never thought I could be because of you. I_ **

Danny had to stop for a second. His hands were shaking and tears were streaming down his face. He put the pen down and put his face in his hands again. He didn’t realize just how angry and hurt he was til just then. He sat there silently crying. The tears wouldn’t stop and he was so tired of trying to hold them in.

Steve walked into HQ and was a bit surprised at Danny’s door being closed and the blinds shut. His concern grew when he noticed Chin watching Danny’s door with a worried face. He walked over to Danny’s door and tried the knob. It wasn’t locked so he opened the door gently. He was shocked into silence at the sight of his best friend and partner at his desk weeping into his hands. He rushed forward, closing the door behind him, to Danny’s desk. He went around the desk and bent down on his haunches as he moved Danny’s hands from his face.

“Danny, Danny? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is Grace hurt?” Steve asked quietly but anxiously. Danny shook his head and kept his eyes down. He couldn’t speak just yet. He couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t break down further. Steve looked at Danny to make sure there were no obvious injuries. His eyes landed on the notepad and he could see the beginnings of a letter that said Dear Matty. His heart clenched.

He squeezed Danny’s hands, willing him to look at him. Danny raised his eyes slowly. The breath left Steve’s chest at the pain and misery and anger he saw lurking in Danny’s eyes. Steve didn’t hesitate. He stood, pulled Danny to his feet and hugged him as tight as he could. Danny was tense at first but Steve refused to let him go. Steve ran his hands up and down Danny’s back. Danny began trembling. Steve leaned down and whispered “I got you Danno. Its ok to let go.”

With that Danny broke down completely, sagging against Steve as his body shook with his sobs and the tears soaking Steve’s shirt. Steve held Danny until the tears stopped. He leaned against Danny’s desk, still holding him. Danny began to pull back and Steve stopped him. He looked up at Steve. Steve looked into Danny’s eyes and said “Give me a minute yeah. I need a little longer.” Danny nodded and moved closer to the man, wrapping his arms around his waist. He leaned against Steve and closed his eyes.

Steve had no idea how long they stood there. He ran his hands up and down Danny’s back. Danny murmured something against his chest but he couldn’t make it out. “What was that?” Danny moved his face to look up at Steve. “Why are you so good at this? Its not fair.” Steve chuckled and said “I’d say sorry but I’m not.” Steve looked at Danny and asked, “ok?” Danny took a deep breath and said “yeah I think I am.” He looked down then back at Steve. “Than- “Steve placed his fingers on Danny’s lips. “Please Danno, don’t say it. You are my best friend. I’m always here for you. ALWAYS.”

Steve knew he should move his fingers but he couldn’t. Danny looked into his eyes searchingly. Steve wasn’t sure what he was looking for but kept looking at the blonde, refusing to hide anything. Danny smiles slightly and purses his lips to place a fleeting kiss on Steve’s fingers as he moved Steve’s hand to his heart. Steve’s breathing picked up, not sure what was going on in Danny’s head.

Danny smiled at him, still holding Steve’s hand to his heart. He looked at Steve and said “I love you Steven McGarrett. And it’s about time I told you.” Steve smiled and tried not to hope. “I know you love me Danny. You tell me all the time.” Danny shakes his head and mutters “Putz”. He looks Steve in the eyes and lets all his feelings shine through. Steve takes a shaky breath. “Danny, you’re vulnerable right now.” Steve closes his eyes. “You are emotional right now. Its ok. You don’t have to say anything”, he says, his voice wavering. He feels Danny’s hand on his neck. “Look at me Steven.” Steve opens his eyes at Danny’s tone. Danny looks at him. “I felt this way yesterday. And the day before that. And the week before that. And the month before that. And the year before that. I’m not vulnerable. And yes, I’m emotional, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. You listening?”

Steve looks into Danny’s eyes and nods slowly in wonder. He had dreamed, but never for a minute thought he could have what he saw shining in the blonde’s beautiful eyes. Danny smiles at Steve. “Let’s go home Steve.” He tosses the keys to Steve, who catches them on reflex, and opens the door to leave. He looks back at Steve. “Move it McGarrett. We have a LOT to discuss and a lot of time to make up for.” He watches Steve snap to and grin. “Lead on Detective.”

Chin watches them leave with a smile. Took them long enough. He chuckles as he texts Kono and Lou. “Dinner on Lou, drinks on Kono. I won.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tomorrow marks the 10 yr anniversary of my own brother's death. And like Danny, I was the older sibling who feels guilt and anger. This fic started out as a way to help me get some of the pain out. And it did. But it also turned into McDanno... For that I am NOT sorry.


End file.
